"Actor: Christian Tessie"

• Battlefield Earth - Take Back The Planet | DVD | (06/08/2001) from £N/A   |  Saving you £N/A (N/A%)   |  RRP £13.99

  In the 30th Century, when Battlefield Earth is uncovered in a mass grave for bad films by revisionist cineastes, it is more than likely that it will still be the worst science fiction film ever made. John Travolta's $73m pet sci-fi project--an adaptation of Scientology guru L Ron Hubbard's rambling pulp novel --is like the long lost sequel to Ed Wood's Plan Nine from Outer Space. Incompetent, incomprehensible and, at nearly two hours running time, way over long, Battlefield Earth is nothing more than a rehash of hackneyed post-Star Wars sci-fi clichés. It has the production values of Buck Rogers in the 21st Century and a sprawling plot that merges Planet of the Apes and the TV mini-series V.It is the year 3000 and the Psychlos, a race of dreadlocked aliens, are busy raping the Earth of its natural resources to revive their own dead planet. Peppy young turk Jonnie Goodboy Tyler decides to fight back: he speed-learns the Psychlo language, masters their alien technology and then rallies the beleaguered human race to victory. The Psychlos are at a distinct disadvantage since they persist in wearing ludicrously-stacked heels that make it hard to do anything but totter like stilt-walkers. Therefore, out of necessity, most of the action sequences in Battlefield Earth are shot in slow motion. John Travolta plays Terl, the blustering Psychlo chief of security on Earth, like a pantomime villain delivering leaden dialogue that elicits unintentional pathos. Forest Whitaker in the role of his oafish, double-crossing sidekick Ker erases all traces of screen credibility gained through his role in Jim Jarmusch's Ghost Dog. And as Tyler, pretty boy Barry Pepper has the charisma of a plastic action figure. Even the tagline for this film--"A saga for the year 3000"--is startlingly banal.On the DVD: At first glance, this DVD looks to be packed with extras. A director's commentary, two TV spots, trailer and three "making of" feaurettes--but once you've seen one of the featurettes, you've literally seen them all, as the other two simply recut the same footage. After watching this travesty of a film, it is unlikely you'll want to hear British director Roger Christian gushing over his own work on the audio commentary with production designer Patrick Tatopolous. One can only guess that the creative team got stranded on Planet Psychlo and lost all their critical faculties. The main feature is of good enough picture quality to accentuate the ghastly blue and orange hues that colour almost every scene. The film is presented in 2.35:1 anamorphic format with optional 5.1 Dolby Digital sound. --Chris Campion

• The Tomorrow People - The Next Generation 5 DVD complete Box Set | DVD | (20/03/2006) from £N/A   |  Saving you £N/A (N/A%)   |  RRP £34.99

  'We're telepathic...We can teleport. Imagine how useful that would be to them in their wars and spying and stuff... Think how scared they'd be of having us used against them!' All 3 seasons all 5 stories all 25 episodes!

• Demon House | DVD | (12/04/2005) from £N/A   |  Saving you £N/A (N/A%)   |  RRP £5.99

  From the director of Nightmare Man (1999) and sundry episodes of Due South and The Outer Limits TV series comes Demon House, a schlocky horror flick re-titled to disguise the fact that it's actually Night of the Demons III. Here we see yet another visit by a group of stupid teenagers to a house wherein lies a doorway to Hell. Amelia Kinkade returns as evil hostess Angela, but that's all there is to link back to the previous two movies--they even use an entirely different house! As for the plot: it's Halloween and two girls with car trouble hitch a lift from a vanload of clichéd "kids" who accidentally hold up a Kwik-E-Mart. They hide in the out-of-bounds funeral parlour, Hull House, which--you'll never guess--has a history of mysterious murders. Then, in a surprising twist, they begin to be picked off one-by-one and transformed into a variety of demons. A race ensues to see who will survive until sun-up. The camera trickery is right out of Sam Raimi's vastly superior Evil Dead trilogy, while even the titillating nudity is dispensed with in the first few minutes. At least the CGI credits sequence is impressive. On the DVD: Check out the extras: a trailer! 12 "interactive" chapters! 4:3 screen ratio! Plastic case! --Paul Tonks

• Red Planet / Battlefield Earth / Soldier | DVD | (08/10/2001) from £N/A   |  Saving you £N/A (N/A%)   |  RRP £39.99

  In Red Planet the only thing thicker than the Martian atmosphere (which is breathable, by the way) is the layer of clichés that nearly smothers a formulaic beat-the-clock plot. Science fiction fans are sure to be forgiving, however, because the film is reasonably intelligent, boasts a few dazzling sequences, and presents fascinating technology in the year 2057. We don't know how the Mars-1 spaceship gets to Mars in only six months (newfangled propulsion, no doubt), but we do get some cool diagnostic read-outs on tinfoil scrolls, an abundance of well-designed hardware, and a service-robot-turned-villain that's a high-tech hybrid of RoboCop, Bruce Lee, and a slinky panther with plenty of lethal attitude. A perfectly suitable companion to another Year 2000 sci-fi thriller, Pitch Black, Red Planet is a fine way to kill a couple of hours. --Jeff Shannon, Amazon.comWhen Battlefield Earth was released theatrically, this inept sci-fi epic qualified as an instant camp classic, prompting Daily Variety to call it "the Showgirls of sci-fi shoot-'em-ups". Other reviews were united in their derision, and toy stores were left with truckloads of Battlefield Earth action figures that nobody wanted. Recklessly adapted from the novel by sci-fi author and Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard and set in the year 3000, the film is no worse than many cheesy sci-fi flicks, but the sight of Travolta as a burly, dreadlocked alien from the planet Psychlo provokes unintentional laughter from first frame to final credits. The best that Battlefield Earth can hope for is a Dune-like fate: it might improve in a longer director's cut--but that's wishful thinking. --Jeff Shannon, Amazon.comKurt Russell hits new heights in laconic action heroes with his portrayal of Sergeant Todd, born and bred to be a Soldier in a futuristic army. Raised to kill mercilessly, living only for battle, he finds himself at the twilight of his career (and so-called life) when a regiment of genetically enhanced warriors threatens to make his brand of soldiering obsolete. Soldier is one of those rare sci-fi movies that relies more on plot and action than special effects (though the trash planet is effectively wrought). The pace of action in the last half of the film is relentless and exciting, and Russell's portrayal of the old warrior as he warms to human emotions relies more on expression than words-in fact, he barely utters half-dozen lines. --Tod Nelson, Amazon.com