In the 30th Century, when Battlefield Earth is uncovered in a mass grave for bad films by revisionist cineastes, it is more than likely that it will still be the worst science fiction film ever made. John Travolta's $73m pet sci-fi project--an adaptation of Scientology guru L Ron Hubbard's rambling pulp novel --is like the long lost sequel to Ed Wood's Plan Nine from Outer Space. Incompetent, incomprehensible and, at nearly two hours running time, way over long, Battlefield Earth is nothing more than a rehash of hackneyed post-Star Wars sci-fi clichés. It has the production values of Buck Rogers in the 21st Century and a sprawling plot that merges Planet of the Apes and the TV mini-series V.It is the year 3000 and the Psychlos, a race of dreadlocked aliens, are busy raping the Earth of its natural resources to revive their own dead planet. Peppy young turk Jonnie Goodboy Tyler decides to fight back: he speed-learns the Psychlo language, masters their alien technology and then rallies the beleaguered human race to victory. The Psychlos are at a distinct disadvantage since they persist in wearing ludicrously-stacked heels that make it hard to do anything but totter like stilt-walkers. Therefore, out of necessity, most of the action sequences in Battlefield Earth are shot in slow motion. John Travolta plays Terl, the blustering Psychlo chief of security on Earth, like a pantomime villain delivering leaden dialogue that elicits unintentional pathos. Forest Whitaker in the role of his oafish, double-crossing sidekick Ker erases all traces of screen credibility gained through his role in Jim Jarmusch's Ghost Dog. And as Tyler, pretty boy Barry Pepper has the charisma of a plastic action figure. Even the tagline for this film--"A saga for the year 3000"--is startlingly banal.On the DVD: At first glance, this DVD looks to be packed with extras. A director's commentary, two TV spots, trailer and three "making of" feaurettes--but once you've seen one of the featurettes, you've literally seen them all, as the other two simply recut the same footage. After watching this travesty of a film, it is unlikely you'll want to hear British director Roger Christian gushing over his own work on the audio commentary with production designer Patrick Tatopolous. One can only guess that the creative team got stranded on Planet Psychlo and lost all their critical faculties. The main feature is of good enough picture quality to accentuate the ghastly blue and orange hues that colour almost every scene. The film is presented in 2.35:1 anamorphic format with optional 5.1 Dolby Digital sound. --Chris Campion
Irresponsible. Unpredictable. Totally irresistible! Gary Starke (Garcia) can get his hands on just about anything: floor level seats at a Knick's basketball game entrance to an exclusive art gallery or first-row concert tickets. But the one thing Gary can't seem to get is the girl of his dreams... Longtime New York con man Gary is a king among scam artists but a loser in life. The only thing he has going for him is Linda (MacDowell) a stunning chef-in-the-making with a soft sp
The Adventure Of The Clapham Cook: Mrs Todd from Clapham comes to ask Poirot if he will help her to find her cook Eliza who has disappeared. Poirot is at first insulted by such a trivial request for his talents but then decides the case could be intriguing. Murder In The Mews: Chief Inspector Japp calls on Poirot to assist in the investigation of the suicide of a young woman Mrs Allen who has been found in her London mews home on Guy Fawkes night. Poirot soon suspects that Mrs Allen is the victim of foul play.
Jenny (Camille Keaton granddaughter of Buster Keaton) a New Yorker who goes to a secluded country retreat to finish work on her novel is one day assaulted raped and left for dead by four men. But she survives to take revenge. She seduces each of her rapists separately and personally performs their painful executions. This ultraviolent cult film was banned in the UK & Germany and is notorious for many reasons; see it for yourself to find out why!
Prominent New York gossip columnist Ethel Lambston is about to rock the fashion industry with an expose revealing the dark secrets of top designers. But when she mysteriously disappears it is left to Neeve Kearny - the beautiful owner of an exclusive boutique - to continue her work.With Ethel's ex-husband her worthless nephew and a shadowy fashion mogul all in the frame Neeve is forced to cast aside her own problems - namely the impending release of her mother's own killer
Based on J L Carr's novel two young soldiers fresh from the trauma of World War I meet in a tranquil Yorkshire village and form an unusual bond. Birkin has come to spend a month restoring a church mural whilst Moon who is still suffering nightmares from the horrors of war has come to excavate a forgotten chapel. Set against the background of an idyllic summer passion and forbidden love are uncovered as Birkin falls for the rector's beautiful wife and Moon has to face his own inner desires. As the men become drawn into their work they find reassurance and escape from their experiences and can begin a personal journey to recovery.
'Ball Of Wool': When Weenie's favourite toy bounces out of the flat and starts to unravel it wreaks havoc in Big City. But there are lots of fun things you can do with a ball of wool too... 'One More Marshmallow': Oswald sets out to get Henry another marshmallow to go with his cocoa he doesn't dream he'll end up high in the sky above Big City... 'Cloud Collecting': After viewing his friends' collection of various objects Oswald feels inspired to start a collection of his own.
A group of eager young Navy pilots become frustrated when their superiors enact a non-combat strategy against the Japanese. To make matters worse the pilots must answer to a rigid unyielding commander (Ameche). Against all odds the men fly into action in the decisive Battle of Midway. Nominated for a 1944 Best Original Screenplay Oscar'' this stunning war drama uses actual combat footage to tell its engrossing story.
Sid the Sexist: Sidney Smutt is a smooth talking sex machine a lady killing hard man who can drink anyone under the table... or so he thinks. Meet Sid Baz Bob and Joe on their adventures as they paint Newcastle red and jet off to sunny Spain in search of love excitement and a truly satisfying takeaway. Oh Lordy! It's The Fat Slags - 3 Saucy Adventures: Here it is. Raunchier than a Swedish rabbit and bluer than a baboon's arse. The two and only Fat Slags burst on
Starman is easily director John Carpenter's warmest and most beguiling film, and the only one that ever earned him an Oscar nomination. While most movie buffs are likely to call Halloween the best movie from Carpenter, die-hard romantics and anyone who cried while watching E.T. will vote in favour of the director's 1984 hit. Jeff Bridges is the alien visitor to Earth who is knocked off course and must take an interstate road trip to rendezvous with a mothership from his home planet. To complete this journey he assumes the physical form of the dead husband of a Wisconsin widow (Karen Allen) who responds first with fear, then sympathy, and finally love. Carpenter's graceful strategy is to switch the focus of this E.T.-like film from science fiction to a gentle road-movie love story, made believable by the memorable performances of Bridges and Allen. It's a bit heavy-handed with tenacious government agents who view the Starman as an alien threat (don't they always?), but Carpenter handles the action with intelligent flair, sensitivity and lighthearted humour. If you're not choked up during the final scene, well, you just might not be human. --Jeff Shannon, Amazon.com On the DVD: Starman on disc is presented in anamorphic widescreen transferred from NTSC and letterboxed at 2.35.1. The picture is clear and sharp with very little grain. The soundtrack is crisp, perfectly complementing the romantic nature of this film. The overriding reason to shell out on this special edition is the commentary from John Carpenter and Jeff Bridges, in which director and actor show a genuine affection for the film. Other extras are a featurette filmed around the original release in 1884, a music video starring Bridges and costar Karen Allen covering The Everly Brothers classic "All I Have to Do is Dream", and a trailer for Close Encounters of the Third Kind. --Kristen Bowditch
What's the worst that could happen? Probably being forced to watch What's the Worst That Could Happen? from start to finish without a pause button: it's more lame than a three-legged dog. The plot is straightforward enough: two men, each as crooked as the other, come into conflict when petty thief Kevin Caffrey (Martin Lawrence) breaks into the apparently unoccupied beach house of wealthy and unscrupulous businessman Max Fairbanks (Danny DeVito). The house turns out not to be empty: Fairbanks calls the cops, claims that Caffrey has stolen his ring and coolly claims it back in front of his uniformed audience. It's a ring that Caffrey values because it has just been given to him by his new girlfriend Amber (Carmen Ejogo). He's so desperate to get it back that he hounds Fairbanks through the rest of the film, breaking into various Fairbanks properties as he goes. Words like "zany" and "madcap" could be used in the interests of charity, but actually the film falls flat on its face. Lawrence is certainly no Eddie Murphy and the plot would need an injection of major talent to give it a chance. DeVito yet again relies on his stature to provide the laughs. John Leguizamo plays Caffrey's sidekick as best he can but the fake sheikhs-in-tea-towels scene induces more groans than laughs. This is one for diehard fans of the lead actors only. On the DVD: What's the Worst That Could Happen? comes to DVD with a choice of two spoken languages (English or French) and many subtitle options. There's also a generous selection of outtakes, an alternative ending, a music video ("Music" by Erick Sermon) and the original theatrical trailer. It's just a shame that the film itself isn't better. --Harriet Smith
The complete third series of one of Thames TV's most successful sitcoms about the ups and downs of mixed flat-sharing. Episodes comprise: 1. Cuckoo In The Nest 2. Come Into My Parlour 3. I Won't Dance Don't Ask Me 4. Of Mice And Women 5. We Shall Not Be Moved 6. Three Of A Kind
Titles Comprise: An Officer And A Gentleman: Richard Gere stars as Navy recruit Zack Mayo while the stunning Debra Winger is his love interest. Lou Gossett Jnr. won an Academy Award for his brilliant portrayal of a tough drill instructor. David Keith plays Zack's struggling fellow candidate. Zack Mayo is a young loner with a bad attitude. Tempted by the glamour and admiration of the life of a Navy pilot he decides to sign up for Officer Candidate School. After thirteen tortuous weeks under Gunnery Sergeant Emil Foley (Gossett Jnr.) he slowly begins to learn the importance of discipline love and friendship. Foley warns Zack about the local girls who will do anything to catch themselves a pilot for a husband but despite this Zack finds himself falling in love with Paula (Winger). Days Of Heaven: Terrence Malick's second film is a lyrical visual poem about life in America at the turn of the century. When a Chicago steel-mill worker is fired after a fight with his supervisor he hops aboard a train for the Great Plains with his girlfriend and his younger sister. The trio join itinerant workers following the farming season and find a place with a quiet lonely landowner. As the year passes and the harvest nears a fateful love triangle develops with fiery consequences. The performances match the moody compositions in this elegy for the pre-modern prairie which now stands firmly as one of the most beautiful motion pictures of all time. Internal Affairs: Trust Him... He's A Cop. Dennis Peck knows his way around the law. He can launder money run a scam fix a bad rap. He can even for the right price arrange a murder. Trust me he says I'm a cop. Richard Gere is Peck and Andy Garcia is Raymond Avila the investigator determined to bring Peck to justice in this supercharged police thriller. Peck isn't going down without a fight. The slick cold-blooded manipulator intends to take Avila's career his marriage and even his sanity with him in 'Internal Affairs'. A fine tight script says Gary Franklin (KABC-TV). Two thumbs up! say Siskel & Ebert - Trust them. Intersection: Make every move as if it were your last. Richard Gere portrays Vincent Eastman an award-winning architect whose personal life is on shaky ground. Separated from his beautiful but aloof wife (Sharon Stone) Vincent has an affair with a joyful and passionate writer (Lolita Davidovich) whose love promises a new beginning. But Vincent remains emotionally torn between the two women leaving his future happiness - and that of his thirteen year-old daughter - hanging in the balance. As his relationships start to crumble Vincent hurtles on a collision course toward the one fateful moment when he must confront his true feelings and cross the Intersection. Primal Fear: Arrogant brilliant and successful criminal defense attorney Martin Vail loves a good fight and the media spotlight both of which he knowingly invites when he volunteers to represent a penniless bewildered altar boy accused of murdering the local archbishop. The defendant's guilt seems as evident as the blood found splattered on his clothes. But Vail doesn't concern himself with questions of guilt or innocence. All he cares about is creating and selling his version of the truth. American Gigolo: Julian Kay is on the prowl and looking for someone to please. Boyish and sensual he speaks five or six languages and is equally comfortable as a chauffeur for a wealthy middle-aged matron and as a translator/companion for the lonely wife of an executive. He is the 'American Gigolo'. But Julian's love-for-sale lifestyle turns deadly when a client is murdered and Julian became the prime suspect.
Ever since the comedy greats stepped beyond the fringe for The Secret Policemen's Ball the annual Amnesty International concert has been one of the highlights of the comedy circuit. 2001's offering was called We Know Where You Live and let's face it, where else are you going to see the UK's top comedians and pop acts on one stage? Compeered by the "surreal stylings" of Eddie Izzard, this compilation of the night's highlights includes a new version of the classic "Four Yorkshiremen" sketch with Eddie, Harry Enfield, Vic Reeves and Alan Rickman. Rickman stubbornly sticks to the script while all around him improvise. There is also a great performance from Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse as the Self-Righteous Brothers and the Goodness Gracious Me team going out for "an English". As well as the comedy there are live performances from Tom Jones, Badly Drawn Boy and the Stereophonics, which seem rather abrupt and heavily edited. Some of the material is quite old, though--any fans of Izzard will already have seen him do the Star Trek phaser sketch where he talks about the other settings, other than stun and kill! On the DVD: What really makes this worth the price (apart from supporting a very worthwhile charity) is the extra footage. As well as some more performance stuff, including Phil impersonating Eddie Izzard which is frighteningly spot on, there is back stage material and a news report following the Amnesty bus round London. Buy it, because other wise you might get Eddie round your house! --Kristen Bowditch
Made in 1970, just as he was reaching the end of a three-year exile from boxing, AKA Cassius Clay is a documentary about Muhammad Ali's life and career. Produced by Jim Jacobs and Bill Cayton--who would go on to manage Mike Tyson--it includes reams of Jacobs' vast collection of fight footage, some of it familiar, some quite rare, such as flickery images of his earliest bouts. The film intersperses an account of Ali's career with good natured, if combative, sections to camera featuring Ali and future Tyson trainer Cus D'Amato, who plays devil's advocate, arguing with the ex-champ that he would never have beaten Joe Louis in his heyday, or (more dubiously) his own protégé Floyd Patterson. Watching footage of his 1967 bout against Cleveland Williams here, it's hard to believe any champion before or since could have beaten Ali at his height. Ali's familiar story is competently related here (though narrator Richard Kiley has the mildly disconcerting air of a Bond villain): his 1960 Olympic triumph; his defeat of Sonny Liston who was expected to annihilate the young 22-year-old blowhard in 1964; his conversion to the Nation of Islam; and the plainly vindictive decision on the part of the authorities to revise his draft status and call him up for service in Vietnam. Ali refused and faced the possibility of a five-year jail sentence as well as being stripped of his title. The principle pleasure of AKA Cassius Clay is watching Ali in full verbal flow. His maniacal teasing of Liston was a psychological knockout blow. "The man's too ugly to be the world champ. The world champ should be pretty, like me!" On the DVD: extras comprise scene selections and the original trailer. The reproduction is visually adequate, with the sepia tones of the fight footage holding up well; but the dubbing in places is poor. --David Stubbs
It's a western! It's a caper film! It's martial arts action! It's a farce! It is in fact 'Millionaire's Express' with Hong Kong stalwart Sammo Hung in front and behind the camera! The Shanghai Express loaded with the rich and famous is scheduled to come through town on its maiden voyage. Having recently returned to his hometown and set up business Ching Fong-Tin (Sammo Hung) plans to derail the train by blowing up the tracks and thereby entice the stranded passengers to spend th
A woman finds herself tumbling deeper in to psychosis after seeing her doppelganger drive past her home.
In an American West just coming to terms with the end of World War II Jane Fonda stars as a Colorado rancher struggling to keep her independence from ruthless local land mogul Ewing. Fonda teams up with another independent rancher and war veteran Frank and Frank's partner is killed. Frank and Ella develop a romantic relationship as they battle to save Ella's land but more than the land is at stake for Ewing. His desire to expand his ranching empire must come to terms with a force e
Yes, Elvira's back and she's fabulous! With her voluptuous milky-white cleavage, voluminous black hair and hilarious one-liners, the essence of camp oozes from her pores. Elvira's Haunted Hills culls its outrageousness from the classic Vincent Price/Edgar Allen Poe/Roger Corman films of the early 60's along with a little Rocky Horror Picture Show and Fearless Vampire Killers.The tale begins in 1851, Carpathia when Elvira and her maid ZouZou are en route to perform in the Parisian Revue Yes I Can Can but inadvertently end up at the sinister Lord Vladimere Hellsubus' medieval castle. Bearing an uncanny resemblance to Vladimere's long-dead wife, Elvira learns of the Hellsubus curse and finds her life in danger. What's a girl to do? Well, break out into song and dance, of course. Continuing our saga, love-torn Vladimere chases our heroine on her high heels around the castle. Will she escape the family curse and the evil Vladimere, and can she keep her hands off the studly stable master long enough to save the day?
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