Southern belle and former choir girl Jessica Simpson, once a poor man"s Britney Spears, hit upon the novel idea of letting MTV chronicle her marriage to unknown wannabe actor / singer Nick Lachey, the ensuing car crash of compulsive viewing resulted in a show that ran for three seasons (2003-2005) of household hubris and intimate inanity. The more unsavoury elements of this entire enterprise should"ve been featured on the extras, for example, I"d love to have seen how Jess"s parents / managers; one time Baptist minister Joseph Simpson and ex-Sunday school teacher Tina Ann, first pitched Jessica for this series (it was initially supposed to be 'Newlyweds' starring Jacko and Lisa Marie Presley, but since that union lasted all of five minutes, the show as shelved for six years).
So far we"ve seen Jess get root canal work done (and anyone whose seen 'Newlyweds' seasons 1 & 2, will know exactly what that feels like), Nick and Jessica"s second anniversary and Simpson preparing for the role she was born to play: Daisy Duke in 'Dukes Of Hazard'. The busy couple also get together for a romantic reunion and candlelit dinner on Valentine"s Day, ahhhhh.
They divorced two months later.
Nick, a mere shadow of his former self (but still a lyrical master of allegorical subtlety), hit back with his album 'What"s Left Of Me', Jessica, no doubt, struggled to decipher the hidden meaning behind tracks like 'I Can"t Hate You Any More', 'Everywhere But Here' and 'On Your Own'. Meanwhile, Jessica"s pilot sitcom 'Jessica' (scrapped by the studios in 2002) looks set to be made after all, its just another cynical day in the fickle, clinical world of celebrity nothingness.
As an idea, 'Newlyweds' was a genius publicity stunt: it boosted Jess"s flagging singing career, got Nick Lachey noticed and all the couple had to do for some priceless free press, was relinquish their dignity on a daily basis. You"ll feel sorry for Nick, stuck as he is with an imbecilic airhead like Jess, but then, almost immediately, your sympathies will lean towards Simpson as Lachey shows himself up as a freeloading prat. Reality TV and its best, Jessica Simpson"s smart enough to play it dumb (though its impossible to tell when she"s faking, or indeed whether she"s faking at all). Scary. Its as hard to recommend this show, as it is to tear your eyes away from the screen when its on.